Transitions

Lindsey

Embrace uncertainty. Some of the most beautiful chapters of our lives won’t have a title until much later – Bob Goff

When going through a transition, there is an inherent ebb and flow. Of emotions. Action taken. Fear, joy, stress, excitement, uncertainty. Sometimes all felt in one single minute.

LindseySuch is how I am feeling now. I’m leaving San Francisco in less than a month to move back home to San Diego. Although it is a wonderful move, everything now is bittersweet. I want to savor each moment, each feeling, each place, each view of where I am in the city. And for some reason, I mostly want to be doing this on my own.

I’m continually pulling myself back from floating around in the future, which is either filled with excitement and joy over what my life will/could be like in less than 30 days or burdened with fear and the lack of having it all figured out. It’s as though my brain is doing some sexy, high-energy salsa dance between the present and future.

I don’t find myself dwelling too often on the past year and a half in Napa and San Francisco. It seems like yesterday I was in Napa or just moving to SF, but it also seems like eons ago. I was a different person then. Young and unsure. Swayed more easily than I am now. Over this past year I’ve felt heart ache, my temper raging, my soul filled with contentment, my eyes watered with tears, my heart bursting with joy and my senses filled with all things new and undiscovered.

But I’ve learned this past year and a half. I’ve grown. I’ve transformed from a young woman to a woman. An adult doing adult things. There’s a groundedness and assuredness in my spirit that wasn’t there before.

Although I still find myself “looking for the adult in the room” sometimes. Anyone else?

What I’m most proud of transforming this past year is my voice. A voice that I’ve nurtured, developed and grown into. My ability over the past several months to lean into some weird and wonderful, dark and beautiful emotions to discover what is really inside me. What really want. What fills me with joy, passion and happiness. Not what I think should fill me with joy, passion and happiness. Not what others, despite their good intentions, think should and will fill me with joy, passion and happiness. Those are all very different things.

I’m proud that I’ve learned that my path is my own. I’m in control of my life. I respect and take to heart what people say and the advice they give. And I can ask for help when I need it. But I am far too savvy now (or strong-willed?) to be confined by other’s expectations of what a life should look like. Or the path you take, so to speak.

As Louise Hay says (and this is my version of it): “I love myself enough to go beyond my parents’, family’s, friends’ and society’s limitations.”

I don’t mean to say my parents, friends, family and society have placed outrageous restrictions, limitations and pressure on me about what I should do with my life. Although there are spoken and unspoken expectations I feel, I’ve been blessed with an incredibly supportive, loving family and community.

Regardless, there are more conventional or unconventional paths people can follow. But that’s their story and choice, not yours.

I’ve learned there is no one “right” path. There is a “right” path for everyone and that is the one they decide to take. It is the one that is right for them. What’s right, logical and fulfilling to one person may not be that way for another. And that’s the beauty of life.

I’m proud that I’m following my voice and truth. Despite not knowing all that it is I want to do. Despite not seeing my path clearly. The vision is there. The emotions are there… But the stepping stones to get there are a bit hazy and uncertain.

But rather than giving up on my vision because the path isn’t clearly defined at this moment (will it ever be?), I know by focusing on my what and why and taking positive action in ways that feel aligned and fulfilling to me, the “hows” will become very clear.

View at the Chart HouseI can embrace the belief that I have no idea what I’m doing with my life, or I can say what is full of actual truth: I know exactly what I am doing with my life because I am following what I know to be true to me.

It’s easy to fall into the “I don’t know what I’m doing with life” slump, whether you’re being humorous or serious about it, because that is the simplest answer and emotion to feel. It’s harder to believe for yourself and explain to others, “So this is what I want, how I’m getting there is unknown, but this is what I’m doing now and even though it’s not all clearly defined, I’m happy because I’m following my gut.”

But in whose eyes is that phrase, “I don’t know what I’m doing with my life” even looked upon? Is it your eyes or society’s? Look upon your life with your eyes, not through an external view. That’s not the most positive or productive one.

Looking at your life through the eyes of society or your family is morphed. It breeds limiting beliefs and leaves you feeling stuck between what they want, and what you want and know to be true for you.

In my opinion, if YOU are happy and content with what you’re doing, no matter what it is, keep doing it. It’s your life. If you’re not happy and content, do something. And don’t “do something” based off of what other people want for you or are telling you to do. Do what YOU want to do. It’s your chance to create something that’s aligned with you and your happiness. It’s an opportunity to fly, not fall into an abyss.

Look upon your life through your eyes. Tune in to your own intuitive wisdom. By doing so you’ll be gifted with one of the most precious realizations: you know exactly what you’re doing.

I write because…

Song inside you
I write because…
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“I want to be as vulnerable and raw as possible so people feel less alone. I want to make people happy or laugh, even if it’s at my own expense.” Alexi Wasser, from “I’m Boy Crazy,” excerpted from #GIRLBOSS
Song inside you
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There is a voice inside of me that needs to be shared. Openly, plainly, honestly and humorously. What is the point of hiding your voice? Be bold and share it with the world. Do good and good will come to you.
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Writing is also a way for me to find and understand my true, authentic voice. To help me follow my truth, my dreams and my heart.
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I’m especially excited to write at this point in my life because I’m going through a huge transition period. I am moving from San Francisco, where I’ve been the past year and a half, back to San Diego (my hometown) in December. I’m so happy with this decision. It was bittersweet to make, but it was so plainly and easily the right choice for me.
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I don’t have a job or an apartment yet but, as nerve-wracking as that is sometimes, it’s more exciting than anything. I have a completely new, blank chapter in front of me. One that I can completely write with my own unique voice and truth. One that I can design on my own. I have an outline and idea of what I want my life to be like and what I’ll be doing, but honestly…nothing is set in stone. I can do anything.
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Again, nerve-wracking and exciting at the same time ;)
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Expect funny, self-help and self-empowerment topics, personal adventures and stories, wisdom and my own musings on life and fulfilling our purpose. At the very least, I want to put a smile on your face, to make you laugh and feel familiarity.
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Lindsey Social Media ManagerI want to be an encouraging and supportive voice for any young person going through a transition period or who need a little inspiration and motivation to make things happen…things THEY want, dreams they want to achieve, adventures they want to pursue.
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I hope to grow a large, engaged, positive and hilariously badass audience. I love connecting with new people, so comment away!! I want my blog to be a platform for people to learn, connect, share with one another and feel they are in a supportive, safe environment.
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My goal is to write consistently and grow a strong community on this blog, but to also branch out into writing books, selling merchandise, guest posting, writing for magazines, hosting weekly podcasts and vlogs and speaking at events.
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Come along for the ride! :)

The Adventure Continues: Big Changes Ahead

View at the Chart House

As with all things in life, when one chapter closes, another one opens.

I’m moving back down to San Diego.

View at the Chart House

When I write the word “back,” I initially feel like I’m giving a sense of defeat…I’m moving “back” home because I couldn’t hack it here where I am in San Francisco. But that’s not the truth. And the truth is, I am moving back to San Diego. I grew up there and spent a year there after I graduated college.

The decision has been brewing for a while and this past week it was made official official. (As opposed to just “official.” lol) Official official because I told my boss on Thursday that I was leaving.

Pearl and Daisy

Pearl and Daisy are certainly coming along.

This was a really difficult conversation because I love, respect and care for my boss so much. I love my job at the clinic and it truly is my family and second home here in the city. But the conversation was fine, full of laughter, understanding and figuring out the next few steps for hiring another person, etc. I’m very fortunate that I can keep working remotely for them when I’m in SD. It’s work I love and I still get to stay in touch with some of my favorite people.

The movers have been hired and I’m still sitting in this space where the decision is really starting to hit me.

And I’m fucking excited. It’s bittersweet to leave a place I’ve been for the past year, say good-bye to my amazing community and work here, but the truth is, San Francisco just isn’t my city.

I could tell over the past couple months I needed a shift and change…but I didn’t know what it was. I was constantly vacillating between staying here and moving down to SD, getting another job (or part-time job) in SF to help financially, finding a job in SD and then moving down…but the indecision kept me caught in limbo. And it was starting to really stress me out. I would have these mini panic attacks, usually in the morning, and feel so overwhelmed with emotions I couldn’t even identify. I knew I needed to be decisive and then take action from there.

Cardiff By-the-Sea

View of the ocean on the 101 Highway, between Encinitas and Cardiff.

I had so many voices in my head about what I should do and what I was expected to do, that I had to take a step back from everything, identify my voice and what wanted from my life…not what other people suggested or wanted me to do. Or what I thought they wanted me to do.

About a month or so was spent journaling my heart out, meditating, conversations with my counselor and finally I gained more clarity. What did I want? It’s such a simple question, but one that makes you answer honestly and then…BAM. There’s your answer.

So what did I want? I wanted to move to San Diego. By the end of the year. Job or no job.

Ok then. Let’s do it.

So much ease, relief, happiness and calm came once I made the decision. Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is make a decision and then take action from there. Not take action based off indecision like I was trying to before (aka a half-assed job search in SF and SD).

I don’t have a job lined up in SD, I don’t have an apartment, but I don’t care. I have 5 weeks until I move down and a lot can happen during that time. I’ve seen my life completely change- job and city- within 30 days twice already. Five week? Psh. That’s an extra week ;)

I’m looking for jobs, but also looking into freelancing and social media management as much as I can. I really want time freedom to do things that fill me with passion and happiness. Travel, theatre, designing my days the way I want to. I currently have a few gigs, including working remotely for the clinic, that will sustain me financially…at least for now. (Eeeeek. lol)

Truth be told though, I really have no idea what I want to do. I’m continually getting down on myself for this, what I see as, lack of purpose, direction, drive and decision. I know exactly the kind of lifestyle I want, the things that make me filled with happiness and passion and laughter, what I want my life to look like…but right now there is a disconnect between what I’m doing presently and how to get to what and where I envision my life to be. But it’s so close I can almost taste it.

Sunset at Chart House, SDI know clarity will come with time and, as my counselor has told me countless times, I need to give myself the space to let that clarity come. It always does. And when I get clarity…holy shit man, I GO for it. Take action and make it happen in a very short amount of time.

But it’s not something I can force, I have to let it happen with natural and intuitive ease. So what I have to keep reminding myself to do in the interim is continue to take action and be productive in ways that feels natural and right and give myself the space for clarity to come. It always will. Stay true and connected to MY authentic voice and follow what I know is right for me.

In other words, focus on the “what” and “why” and not the how. Because, let’s be real, that always fucks things up. lol

Anyways, I guess the only other thing I have to say is how freaking excited I am for this move. It’s simply the right time. All my family is in SD, I love my community and friends there, I love the lifestyle and vibe…it’s just me. 

View from Julian

What is also exciting (and at times induces mild panic until I remind myself to practice what I preach) is the fact that this is a completely blank, new chapter. I have an outline of what I want and know my life will be like, but it’s completely open and blank. I’m moving down to SD on December 7th and, as of now, that’s all I’ve got. My life is in my hands. Completely open to my design and I can create whatever I wish. It’s new and fresh and waiting to be transformed in ways that I want and know, and in ways I don’t yet know. It’s so exciting! Not scary at all. Yes, maybe a little stressful when I start over-thinking it all…but mainly exciting because it’s such a fresh new “beginning” (or continuation?) and San Diego is really where I want to be. I think I’ll be able to breathe a sigh of relief when I finally land in the place I know I am meant to be.

IMG_6833And with that, I’m going to finish my coffee and pumpkin bread and get ready for Halloweeeeeeeeeen! I’m going to be a cat :) Well, let’s be real, a slutty cat. Classily slutty. If that’s a thing. LOL

Never allow waiting to become a habit

never-allow-waiting-to-become-a-habit-live-your-dreams-and-take-risks-life-is-happening-nowI’ve made some bold, out-of-the-box moves in the last several years. Whether it’s a literal move to different cities/countries for a time or certain personal decisions I’ve made in my life. I felt something in my gut, listened to my intuition, followed it, made it happen and a short whirlwind later, I was living it.

There was this freedom and expansion initially and then there was always that feeling of “Oh. My. God. What the hell was I thinking?!?! Nope. I want to go back. Go back, go back, go back. This is scary and I have NO idea what I’m doing.” (I mean, moving to Spain for 4 months on my own when I knew no one and spoke very little Spanish? Talk about scary, vulnerable shit. LOL)

But then I moved past those feelings. The flailing as I free fall, thinking I’m way over my head. I kept calm and carried on because, in my mind, I had no other choice. Once outside of my comfort zone, going back is not an answer.

Sitting scared shitless outside of my comfort zone was and is my “plan.” Because I know allowing myself to feel that discomfort and work through it, exploring and discovering in that heightened, sensitive state will make living even more magical and real. I’ll learn about my world and myself even more.

I have a fear of being stuck, of waiting for too long and never being able to do something again, whether it’s travel, work, experiences, moves, etc…That I would one day look back and regret I didn’t do something when I had the chance.

This is a good and bad thing I guess.

Although, I’ve had to learn that I need to weed out the “gut feelings” that are actually coming from a place of fear and insecurity, rather than actual intuition. I used to think that by changing my external environment, I’d be able to take care of an internal insecurity or issue. That by moving to a different location, it would magically be gone. Poof. But it only served to suppress whatever issue it was, only to have it come out again in my new environment.

Don't let life happen to youAll the moves I’ve made though, whether subtle or mildly drastic, have all shaped the person I am today. Stretched me. Made me grow, personally, professionally, as a friend, daughter, partner and coach. I was forced to face some of my inner demons head on in order to make it through those vulnerable moments. Even if there were scary times at the beginning, I never regretted what I learned. I never regretted my experiences and choices.

Don’t wait for life to happen to you. Or for life to just simply go by. Do something to create the life, environment and changes you want and need. Ones that will support you and your higher purpose and passions. Take action. Go for it. Go. Do. Don’t wait. Life is happening NOW. Enjoy it, because it’s yours.

When It’s Ok to Ditch “The Plan”

Granada

Granada“Friends and partners to celebrate life with, abundance to enhance any adventure, and mountains to perch atop, Lindsey, all arrive when you dwell upon the celebration, the adventure, and the view. Not names, lotteries, or the path you think wisest. Yes, Lindsey, you can have whatever you want, anything. Just don’t confuse what you want with how you’re going to get it.” –The Universe

THAT LAST LINE THOUGH. Once again, The Universe popping his/her/its(?) sweet head in my email inbox with a reminder to not focus on HOW to make things happen.

Focus on the WHAT, and the HOW will come to you.

And I’m pretty certain the path you take to get to your WHAT will be full of unicorns, baby animals, organic dark chocolate growing from trees and a free membership to the wine club of your choice and Uptown Funk playing on repeat.

Or maybe that’s just me….

Do you ever get caught up in the HOW to make things happen? So much that it hinders you from actually doing anything productive to reach your goals? Your dreams?

It holds us back from taking action to actualize our dreams because we think we need to first figure out HOW we’re going to make it happen…that we first need to figure out a very detailed plan and THEN we can start doing.

Screw that. That’s a one-way express ticket to Stagnant-Do-Nothingville.

Just DO. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have a clue HOW you’re going to make your WHAT happen.

If you start to take action in ways that feel aligned with your soul and higher purpose, and take actions that make you a little scared (that means you’re outside of your comfort zone- huzzah!), the HOW will appear and the path to your what will become more clear.

Take that first step. Doesn’t matter what it is. But take it. Even a little baby step will make a significant impact. And it will also tell The Universe you’re not screwing around anymore and you’re ready to receive more clarity on your HOW.

What step will you take today!? Share in the comments below!!

Are you unsure of what step to take? Talk to me!! We’ll figure it out together. #badassteamwork

Dreaming of Sevilla

Granada

Palace of Alcazar, SevillaI’ve been thinking a lot about Sevilla, Spain recently. I went there for four months during college for an international internship and I’ve wanted to go back ever since. As strange as this may sound, I feel like I left a little bit of my heart and soul there and it’s been wandering around ever since I left. That’s been over 4 years ago. It’s time to go back. My heart aches to be in the city again and see all the sights that had become so familiar to me.

I’ve actually been looking at different opportunities to travel back to Spain and live in Sevilla for a period of time. There’s a teaching English program through LanguageCorps that I found and I’ve been considering that. I would go back in May, do a 4-week intensive teaching English course and then find a job at one of the local schools for the summer and fall months.

Lindsey in SevillaI could also just do my social media management and freelancing, all of which is remote and can be done with a laptop and wifi, while I travel back there.

I’m open for different opportunities to bring me back to Sevilla, whether they’re through an organization/company, or I make my own opportunity. All I know is, I need to go back. I have to. Something is calling me in Sevilla and I don’t quite what it is or what it’s for…but I know I can’t ignore the flame that has been burning slowly, almost unnoticed, for the past several years.

So far, through my research, one-way tickets to Madrid aren’t outrageously expensive for next May. I have enough JetBlue points (thank you Universe) to get me back to JFK where I would catch a one-way flight to Madrid and then take a train down to Sevilla. I would prefer a train because 1) I’m not a huuuuuge fan of flying  2) By the time I got through customs, into the domestic terminal, caught a short flight to Seville, took a taxi into the city…I almost feel like it would be the same amount of time/effort as if I just took a train. lol. And besides, I want to see the landscape from Madrid to Sevilla, since I never travelled north of Sevilla.

Granada

View from La Alhambra in Granada

Ahhhh. I can’t wait until I’m back :)

I found this video that I must’ve watched 1,000 times before I went to Sevilla the first time in college. Watching it now I started crying…that song will forever be connected to Spain for me. It’s beautiful.