One-Word Inspiration: A little goes a long way

Lindsey

I was given these words as a prompt…what do each of them mean to me? Well, let me tell you below.

HOPE
REGRET
HOME
CHOICE
ABUNDANCE
SECRET

Hope is the flicker of light that warms your soul and keeps you moving forward, even when you feel like you’re falling backward. Hope turns to abundance and truth when you firmly believe in your hope and know it will manifest into being.
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Regret is the thing I am scared of the most in my life.
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Home. It’s where my heart is and always will be. Home is where I am the puzzle piece fitting exactly into the puzzle. Home is on stage performing. I feel more at home when I am open and vulnerable on a stage that when I am sitting in an audience watching.
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Lindsey in SevillaChoice. I believe (almost*) everything is a choice. Our emotions, mindset, thoughts, patterns, actions, decisions, reactions, words we say and write. The words we choose to hear and believe, from ourselves and others. We always have a choice. There is always a way out (or in.) There is always a choice that you can make. If you make the “wrong” one, you can make a “right” one again. We all have a choice. It is one of the most empowering and powerful things when you realize you have a CHOICE. Don’t like your job? Make a choice to realize that you deserve to do what sets your soul on fire and what makes you feel happy and healthy. Make a choice to make a change and do what is aligned with your truth. Make a choice to take action in that direction. Make a choice to not accept anything less that what you WANT and dream of. Choice. You have a choice. So make one and know you’re making it. And know you can un-make it as well. But don’t sit in limbo waiting for other people or the Universe to choose for you. It’s your life, YOU choose what you want to do with it.
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*I know not all things, including emotions and certain circumstances, are not our choice. I do believe however, we have a choice in how we react to those emotions and circumstances…what actions we take and what we believe. 
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Abundance is waiting for you around every corner. You just have to see it in front of you. You have to believe that it is there and will always be there. You will always have abundance (whatever that means for you), even it feels like it’s out of reach.
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Secret. The secret to happiness is living your truth. Living your life on your terms and in alignment with your voice and what ignites your soul from the inside out. There’s always a way. There is no right path for everyone- that’s the secret. The “right” path for you is what you know is right for you…not anyone else.
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What do these words mean to you? Did anything resonate with you?

Things I Like

Pearl and Daisy

I decided to compile a list of “things I like.” Not normal, boring crap. Like, unique stuff. Things that find interesting, intriguing and likable. A little glimpse into my brain, I guess.

  1. The smell of Fall when it first arrives, the crisp cool evenings and chilly air.
  2. Sunrises over the buildings in San Francisco
  3. Slow, early weekend mornings at my apartment: all is quiet in my neighborhood, the fire-escape door is open, curtains are drawn back and I can sip my coffee while journaling or on my computer.
  4. The chills and goosebumps I get while listening to show tunes and Broadway musicals on my iPod.
  5. Singing and dancing to said show tunes and musicals.
  6. Performing. Auditions, rehearsals, tech week, the final performance…all fill me with an indescribable passion that nothing else in my life has ever matched.
  7. Allowing myself to do nothing. And being ok with that.
  8. Dreaming of a life with my soulmate…who will be a Simon Baker look-alike. LOL
  9. The smell and taste of pumpkin flavored everything.
  10. Coffee and scones with my mom at The Blue Mug in Escondido.
  11. Late-night political/societal chats with my dad.
  12. Making people laugh
  13. The look on someone’s face when they have a light-bulb moment
  14. Dancing and singing in a bar or club with friends and having a moment where everything is perfect and wonderful
  15. Margaritas, chips and guacamole
  16. A good Tempranillo or Beaugolais
  17. Cosy, warm evenings with my family, especially during the holidays
  18. Spending time with Pearl every day, waking him up in the morning, kissing him good-bye, seeing him after a long day, scratching his neck before he goes to bed.
  19. Learning something new about myself. Self-discovery. Self-empowerment.
  20. Clearing old beliefs and patters
  21. Being able to identify your true, authentic voice and follow it
  22. Harry fucking Potter
  23. Ella Enchanted (the book, not the movie.)
  24. Hyperbole and a Half blog (one of the greatest blogs ever written)
  25. Notes from the Universe in my inbox every morning
  26. Spanish guitar music
  27. The magic that Sevilla, Spain holds over me.
  28. The beauty, energy and magic that happens when you travel to a new place and discover things you didn’t even know existed
  29. Pinning my dream home on Pinterest. I’ll be real. lol
  30. Those perfect days where you don’t even notice the temperature because it’s just so perfect.
  31. Writing something that impacts someone positively
  32. Memes and GIFs. I seriously pee in my pants from laughter sometimes. (Not really, but almost.)
  33. Trying local, unique coffee shops and cafes
  34. The smell of fresh mountain air and pine trees

….and that’s about it for now! :) I’ll keep adding to it.

What are some of your favorite things?

I write because…

Song inside you
I write because…
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“I want to be as vulnerable and raw as possible so people feel less alone. I want to make people happy or laugh, even if it’s at my own expense.” Alexi Wasser, from “I’m Boy Crazy,” excerpted from #GIRLBOSS
Song inside you
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There is a voice inside of me that needs to be shared. Openly, plainly, honestly and humorously. What is the point of hiding your voice? Be bold and share it with the world. Do good and good will come to you.
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Writing is also a way for me to find and understand my true, authentic voice. To help me follow my truth, my dreams and my heart.
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I’m especially excited to write at this point in my life because I’m going through a huge transition period. I am moving from San Francisco, where I’ve been the past year and a half, back to San Diego (my hometown) in December. I’m so happy with this decision. It was bittersweet to make, but it was so plainly and easily the right choice for me.
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I don’t have a job or an apartment yet but, as nerve-wracking as that is sometimes, it’s more exciting than anything. I have a completely new, blank chapter in front of me. One that I can completely write with my own unique voice and truth. One that I can design on my own. I have an outline and idea of what I want my life to be like and what I’ll be doing, but honestly…nothing is set in stone. I can do anything.
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Again, nerve-wracking and exciting at the same time ;)
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Expect funny, self-help and self-empowerment topics, personal adventures and stories, wisdom and my own musings on life and fulfilling our purpose. At the very least, I want to put a smile on your face, to make you laugh and feel familiarity.
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Lindsey Social Media ManagerI want to be an encouraging and supportive voice for any young person going through a transition period or who need a little inspiration and motivation to make things happen…things THEY want, dreams they want to achieve, adventures they want to pursue.
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I hope to grow a large, engaged, positive and hilariously badass audience. I love connecting with new people, so comment away!! I want my blog to be a platform for people to learn, connect, share with one another and feel they are in a supportive, safe environment.
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My goal is to write consistently and grow a strong community on this blog, but to also branch out into writing books, selling merchandise, guest posting, writing for magazines, hosting weekly podcasts and vlogs and speaking at events.
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Come along for the ride! :)

The Adventure Continues: Big Changes Ahead

View at the Chart House

As with all things in life, when one chapter closes, another one opens.

I’m moving back down to San Diego.

View at the Chart House

When I write the word “back,” I initially feel like I’m giving a sense of defeat…I’m moving “back” home because I couldn’t hack it here where I am in San Francisco. But that’s not the truth. And the truth is, I am moving back to San Diego. I grew up there and spent a year there after I graduated college.

The decision has been brewing for a while and this past week it was made official official. (As opposed to just “official.” lol) Official official because I told my boss on Thursday that I was leaving.

Pearl and Daisy

Pearl and Daisy are certainly coming along.

This was a really difficult conversation because I love, respect and care for my boss so much. I love my job at the clinic and it truly is my family and second home here in the city. But the conversation was fine, full of laughter, understanding and figuring out the next few steps for hiring another person, etc. I’m very fortunate that I can keep working remotely for them when I’m in SD. It’s work I love and I still get to stay in touch with some of my favorite people.

The movers have been hired and I’m still sitting in this space where the decision is really starting to hit me.

And I’m fucking excited. It’s bittersweet to leave a place I’ve been for the past year, say good-bye to my amazing community and work here, but the truth is, San Francisco just isn’t my city.

I could tell over the past couple months I needed a shift and change…but I didn’t know what it was. I was constantly vacillating between staying here and moving down to SD, getting another job (or part-time job) in SF to help financially, finding a job in SD and then moving down…but the indecision kept me caught in limbo. And it was starting to really stress me out. I would have these mini panic attacks, usually in the morning, and feel so overwhelmed with emotions I couldn’t even identify. I knew I needed to be decisive and then take action from there.

Cardiff By-the-Sea

View of the ocean on the 101 Highway, between Encinitas and Cardiff.

I had so many voices in my head about what I should do and what I was expected to do, that I had to take a step back from everything, identify my voice and what wanted from my life…not what other people suggested or wanted me to do. Or what I thought they wanted me to do.

About a month or so was spent journaling my heart out, meditating, conversations with my counselor and finally I gained more clarity. What did I want? It’s such a simple question, but one that makes you answer honestly and then…BAM. There’s your answer.

So what did I want? I wanted to move to San Diego. By the end of the year. Job or no job.

Ok then. Let’s do it.

So much ease, relief, happiness and calm came once I made the decision. Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is make a decision and then take action from there. Not take action based off indecision like I was trying to before (aka a half-assed job search in SF and SD).

I don’t have a job lined up in SD, I don’t have an apartment, but I don’t care. I have 5 weeks until I move down and a lot can happen during that time. I’ve seen my life completely change- job and city- within 30 days twice already. Five week? Psh. That’s an extra week ;)

I’m looking for jobs, but also looking into freelancing and social media management as much as I can. I really want time freedom to do things that fill me with passion and happiness. Travel, theatre, designing my days the way I want to. I currently have a few gigs, including working remotely for the clinic, that will sustain me financially…at least for now. (Eeeeek. lol)

Truth be told though, I really have no idea what I want to do. I’m continually getting down on myself for this, what I see as, lack of purpose, direction, drive and decision. I know exactly the kind of lifestyle I want, the things that make me filled with happiness and passion and laughter, what I want my life to look like…but right now there is a disconnect between what I’m doing presently and how to get to what and where I envision my life to be. But it’s so close I can almost taste it.

Sunset at Chart House, SDI know clarity will come with time and, as my counselor has told me countless times, I need to give myself the space to let that clarity come. It always does. And when I get clarity…holy shit man, I GO for it. Take action and make it happen in a very short amount of time.

But it’s not something I can force, I have to let it happen with natural and intuitive ease. So what I have to keep reminding myself to do in the interim is continue to take action and be productive in ways that feels natural and right and give myself the space for clarity to come. It always will. Stay true and connected to MY authentic voice and follow what I know is right for me.

In other words, focus on the “what” and “why” and not the how. Because, let’s be real, that always fucks things up. lol

Anyways, I guess the only other thing I have to say is how freaking excited I am for this move. It’s simply the right time. All my family is in SD, I love my community and friends there, I love the lifestyle and vibe…it’s just me. 

View from Julian

What is also exciting (and at times induces mild panic until I remind myself to practice what I preach) is the fact that this is a completely blank, new chapter. I have an outline of what I want and know my life will be like, but it’s completely open and blank. I’m moving down to SD on December 7th and, as of now, that’s all I’ve got. My life is in my hands. Completely open to my design and I can create whatever I wish. It’s new and fresh and waiting to be transformed in ways that I want and know, and in ways I don’t yet know. It’s so exciting! Not scary at all. Yes, maybe a little stressful when I start over-thinking it all…but mainly exciting because it’s such a fresh new “beginning” (or continuation?) and San Diego is really where I want to be. I think I’ll be able to breathe a sigh of relief when I finally land in the place I know I am meant to be.

IMG_6833And with that, I’m going to finish my coffee and pumpkin bread and get ready for Halloweeeeeeeeeen! I’m going to be a cat :) Well, let’s be real, a slutty cat. Classily slutty. If that’s a thing. LOL

Meltdowns, Mascara and Organic Peanut Butter

Lindsey Social Media Manager

I think we all have this expectation that when we have a meltdown, we’ll somehow look like the Disney princesses as they flawlessly toss their heads into their arms and do a few snot-free, back-heaving sobs. Who are then suddenly surrounded by their small woodland friends, all of whom have a vocabulary larger than mine, who comfort them in their weaker moments.

But “flawless” was the furthest thing from my meltdown today as I found myself sitting in my car, full-on sobs, nose running, eyes dripping and with nothing to wipe my face with other than the sleeve of my woolen-ish sweater (ew) and my hands.  

If you’re like me, you can kind of tell when a mini-meltdown will be happening. Like how weather/science/geologist people predict something will happen within a given timeframe, they’re just not sure exactly when and what will set it off.

Welp, I am a super-scientist when it comes to my meltdowns. I know they’re gonna happen, but since I’m a fairly even-keeled person, I don’t know what will set them off. Although when the switch is flipped, it’s usually because of something completely unrelated…that “cap on the pickle-jar” scenario. It’s usually something ridiculous, like the trash bag not fitting on the lid of the trashcan. And rather than pleasantly giving up and buying different trash bags like a normal, sane person, we stretch that sucker until it breaks and the trash can flips over.

“Oh my gosh, why are you crying Lindsey??”

“The f*cking trash bag won’t fit on the f*cking trash can and it’s so stupid and I’m just so sick of this shit!!”

It wasn’t a trashcan that set me off today; it was finding zero parking spots in my neighborhood. Like zilch. All the ones I did find were free because of the street cleaning tomorrow, which was exactly why I was moving my car in the first place. After about 20 minutes of zooming around, I finally gave up and angrily jerked my car from drive to reverse from drive to reverse until I was backed into an open spot that was indeed marked for street cleaning tomorrow. And then I burst into tears.

A few weeks of going from my day job (which I love) to my apartment to do my work (building my business), with too little sleep and too much coffee, already had my poor adrenals on high alert. I wasn’t giving myself enough breathing time.

I love every single thing I am doing; it is a lot of work, but at the same time, it doesn’t feel like it. If I need to stay up until midnight to get my projects done, then so be it! I’m full of passion for what I’m creating and doing. The last few weekends have been great…but filled with work. Again, something I’m totally, 100% willing to do. Another under-lying factor is that I am confident in what I’m doing, but at the same time, I also feel like I have no idea what the hell I’m doing. I just keep believing in myself, taking action and feeling so blessed that I have support from amazing people.

But I could feel the breaking point coming where I would need to release the stress and adrenaline. I had hoped that it would be via a sad movie sob session or maybe even through a longer meditation (in my dreams), but no. Blubbering in my car. And then proudly prancing down Broderick Street to my apartment, face mildly streaked with make up and mascara (it was cute. And one more contributing factor to #thesinglelife.)

So, my meltdown wasn’t flawless. It was gushing, full of snot and clearly non-waterproof mascara. At the same time, it was fantastic and much needed.

But I can tell you what I am flawlessly doing right now is sitting on the floor of my apartment writing this with a spoonful of peanut butter in my mouth (it’s organic with no additives, thank you). This was post-forced-cuddle session with my bird, which, for those of you who know birds, “cuddling” isn’t their forte. He loved it though. I know it.

Anyways, I’m gonna go make dinner.

I know, there were no “action steps to make you life healthier and happier” in this post. But I hope this was a story that provided entertainment and a sense that we all have “those kinds of days.” A relatable “fairytale.”

Lots of love from the health and fitness coach who still stress-eats peanut butter once in a while. Peace out friends.

Finding Yourself: It’s An Inside Job

Spiritual Badass

Lindsey in SevillaI have a chronic fear of being stuck. As in, this (relationship, career, home, job, city, environment) is sucking my soul and how will I ever get out of it?

Up until “adulthood” (aka post-graduate life), most of us live in the distinct time frame of a school year. Semesters, quarters, summer breaks…if a class is miserable, you know you’ll be done with it in December. If your roommate and apartment suck, you know you can move at the end of the semester. The chapters are short. There is always an end date.

But after graduation, at least for me, it was a wide-open expansive land of time and I guess it freaked me out more than I thought. I’m always afraid of being “stuck.”

Physically, in a relationship, a career, a city, in a certain environment. It’s not fear of commitment. Hell, I’ll 150% commit to something I believe in and if I think it’s a good thing. But it’s “stuck” in the sense of believing there is no way out of a situation that drains me of energy, positivity, passion and strength. A stagnant, negative relationship. A energy draining, anxiety-filled job. Scares the crap out of me if I ever think of getting stuck in either of those things.

But at the same time I have to laugh at myself. If I ever got myself in those situations, I get the hell out. I’m just that kind of person.

So what am I afraid of?

Being vulnerable enough to stay put for more than 6-months and see what happens? Being at peace and open to whatever the Universe brings me, whether that’s tomorrow or in 5 months? 

It’s the no-end-date lifestyle that I need to get used to. In the past, I probably forced those end dates a little too soon and a little too often. I would get restless and scared that I wasn’t going anywhere or that I didn’t know what I wanted to do…so I would try and solve that by moving. Again.

Spiritual BadassI feel as though part of my restlessness is coming from the false sense of security I get when I move to a different city or job or apartment. I think that by picking up and moving, everything will be figured out. I’ll have left my problems and emotional angst in the last city. I’ll be in the right place…finally. I’ll find my true purpose…finally. 

But it doesn’t work like that.

I realize that when I have those emotions to pick up and leave, to travel and explore (if I got a dollar for all the times I went on Hipmunk to find the cheapest plane ticket to Spain, I could pay for the damn ticket), it’s because I’m outwardly searching for answers I can only find on the inside. It’s a sign that I need to explore inwardly to find what I’m attempting to discover while on those daring, romantic adventures. I need to explore what is currently and presently surrounding me. Be present and real with it in that moment.

I’m where I am for a reason. The Universe is giving me all the tools to “find myself” right where I am. So by drastically shifting and moving my environment to “find myself,” I prolong the whole experience. Because finding yourself isn’t really a destination. It’s an everyday journey that we’re continually on. Yes, I believe one day we can discover our higher purposes and innate reason for being, but until then, finding ourself is being present with ourself. Where we are in that moment.

So as romantic as it sounds to “find myself” in a small cafe at the end of a winding cobblestone street in Italy or on a sunny beach in Greece…I’m not going to find myself any more than I would at the coffee shop down my street. Certainly, I can have grand discoveries or epiphanies or light-bulb moments while in those dreamy places, but it’s not going to lead me any closer to that forever elusive thing I’m trying to find.

Maybe if I stop searching, I won’t need to find anything. The answers are always here anyways.

Journaling to clear your throat chakra

journaling

“To be open and aligned in the fifth chakra is to speak, listen, and express yourself from a higher form of communication…Often it’s easier to say what the other person may want to hear instead of speaking your truth. Fear of not being accepted, or judgment from the other may hinder your truthful verbal expression.” via Chopra Center.

I’m on a mission to “speak my truth.” And I share this story in hopes of it helping, supporting or inspiring someone else (because I think a lot of people will be able to relate).

In some areas and aspects of life, speaking my truth comes easily to me. But when it comes to speaking truths to myself and others I love and respect, like *really* being honest with what I want and what is true to me, I can falter. I am fearful of stirring up the waters, of the possible confrontation and judgment. It is safer to people please sometimes.

But someone I greatly respect and trust said to me the other day, “What you are worried about is an illusion.” And in order for others to be ok with my decisions, ideas and actions, I have to be ok with it first. I have to fully accept, love and believe in *my* truth, own it and then that same energy will be spread.

I’m not saying I have anything radical or crazy going on behind the scenes in my life, but this is something I’ve been thinking about and noticing. One of the ways I am “opening up my throat chakra,” (yes, I’m getting woo woo, just go with it) is by journaling. Free writing in the morning. You can free write any time, but morning is the best because it clears the crap out of your mind for the day and it’s also when you’re not toooootally, fully conscious yet, so your brain doesn’t have as many filters holding you back. Just dump all the crap that’s swirling in your brain onto paper. You can write about ANYTHING. Write about how stupid it is to be writing and then a minute later, I guarantee your hand will be scribbling across the page writing out something completely different that you didn’t even know you needed to address.

I did journaling this morning, even though I didn’t want to, and I feel 150% better right now than when I woke up. Seriously, this shit works wonders. JUST TRY IT.

Get a notebook, grab a pen and set your timer for 10 minutes. After 10 minutes, you’re done. And yes, you have 10 minutes. That’s like 3 BuzzFeed videos. Do it.